The "PERFECT" Mom

These days, I am learning so much about diapers, formula, toys, bottles, spit up, and gas. More importantly, I am quite surprised about how much I am learning about myself as I venture through motherhood.

Since becoming a new mom, I have purchased the books and magazines that claim to make you the BEST mom you can be. I've been reading these books since before Jaxson was born, trying to "figure" the whole "motherhood-thing out"! I realized after finishing one of these books this week and "trying" out some of their recommendations (and seeing them fail...miserably) that I need to have more confidence in myself and my intuition as a new mother. I think that every new mom feels inadequate and nervous about doing things "perfectly" for their precious baby. I'm discovering that I need to do what I feel is right for Jaxson and myself whether it's recommended or not. I also need to have confidence in my decisions and not second guess myself just because it's not in a book or magazine.

I know that I will always have my son's best interest at heart and I need to have confidence in myself as a mother. I'm certain I will make mistakes, but I find comfort in that because I will learn from those mistakes which will make me the "PERFECT" mom for Jaxson!

A Lesson Learned...

Have you ever prayed, thinking there was no possible way things would turn out the way you had hoped? Prayed for something you thought was truly IMPOSSIBLE?

Ever since Jesse and I found out Jaxson was on his way, we have been putting money in our savings. We did our best to financially prepare ourselves for the time I would be on maternity leave, saving what we could each month. This has always been a worry for me! I am not accustomed to having NO money! Although, I was certain that there was no way praying could help the situation...seeing that I have bills that have to be paid and NO money to pay them...I still prayed.

The money we saved before Jaxson was born definitely helped us, but it wasn't going to pay all of the bills! Jesse and I talked daily about possible solutions and I continued to pray for "financial" guidance. This week GOD answered our prayers TWICE!

The first answered prayer came as a check from a pilot program I had been involved in at school over the fall! I had completely forgotten that we were getting a stipend for piloting this new science program. The check could not have come at a better time!

The second answered prayer came as a phone call. In December, Jesse and I decided to refinance our mortgage since rates were low. We finally got the call on Thursday that the bank was ready to close this coming week! Not only did we find out we don't have to pay our current mortgage, but our payments for our new mortgage don't start until April!

I'm so glad that I'm not in control...God is so much more creative than I am!!! It's amazing how God works even when we doubt! LESSON LEARNED!!!

A letter to our baby

Hello Little One,

First of all, let me start by saying that even though we haven't met you, seen your little face, or touched your soft skin, we love you. We weren't expecting you, but God blessed us with a little surprise - YOU! Now we are excited to have you and we can't imagine life without you.

Yesterday you were 5 months old (in my belly, of course.) You are about the size of a potato this week and incredibly you are developing fingerprints this week. How amazing! I feel you moving every day and sometimes I even worry when I don't feel you move for a while. You must know that I am thinking about you now, because I can feel you wiggling around as I write this. I read about all of the milestones you are completing and I am already amazed at how fast you are growing. You are making the uncomfortable feelings and pain bearable by amazing me as you're growing healthy and strong. In a few weeks we'll be able to see you for the first time. I am so excited to see my perfect little baby!

Your daddy is amazed by you too. He felt you move for the first time last week. I wish you could have seen his smile. He asks me all the time if you're moving, and if you're not, he tries to wake you to feel you move. He's been taking care of mommy and helping me so we both stay healthy. He likes to rub mommy's belly and talk to you. It's so adorable. He really is going to be a great dad. He talks about all the things he'll teach you and everything he wants to do with you. He can't wait to meet you!

We've been talking about all of the things we are so excited to do with you. We can't wait to snuggle, read stories, go camping, Christmases, birthdays, taking you to the zoo, going to the beach, family vacations, going to grandma and grandpa's, playing in the sprinkler, taking Cooper for walks and so much more. It seems like those things are so far away, but I know in the blink of an eye you'll be all grown up.

We can't wait to meet you! We are so excited to see how much you've grown, who you look like, and hear your laugh. Until then, grow healthy and strong and know that mommy and daddy love you so much, little one!

Love,

Mommy & Daddy

God's Perfect Timing

God's timing is perfect - I have heard this so many times during my life; usually when I am being impatient about something, or when things are not happening as fast as I would like them to.

This time it's completely different....on Thursday, Jesse and I found out that I am pregnant. We were not planning on starting a family until the end of summer or early fall, so this was a complete shock. We are both very excited, but we were taken by surprise. I planned on giving myself some time to wrap my head around being pregnant and becoming a mom before it actually happened. So much for getting used to the idea! I've never been someone who plans things out anyway; I usually just go with the flow...and I guess this is no different. I know that God is in control even when things don't happen the way we expect them to and that he has a master plan for us.

Jesse and I are really happy. We are excited to see what God has planned for our family!

True Beauty

After a long day at school, I was cleaning up and preparing for the next day of school. To my surprise, one of my former students, Katelyn, came walking into my classroom.

Before I tell you the rest of the story, you need to know a little bit about Katelyn. Katelyn was one of my students my very first year of teaching seven years ago. I remember her quite vividly. She had a very bad attitude and very low self-esteem due to the fact that she had been burned from head to toe in a crib fire when she was very young. In third grade, Katelyn was finally starting to really understand and notice how different she was from all the other kids and she wasn't dealing with it very well. I remember her saying almost every day, "I'm ugly," "I don't have any friends," Why do I have to look like this?" To say it quite simply, she hated how she looked and she hated being teased which caused her to become very defensive and unkind. As a way of coping with her pain, Katelyn began to intimidate and bully other kids to make herself feel better. Remembering back, Katelyn and I had a rough year and disagreed often, but we had a very good relationship and learned so much from each other...even more than I was aware of until now.

Katelyn, now 16 and in the ninth grade has changed dramatically. When she walked in, I could not believe how much she had grown. She is now as tall as I am and so mature. She told me about her school and her family and I told her about my life now. We talked for quite a while. After catching up with each other, she finally said that she needed to go because her mom was waiting in the car. As she walked to the door, she turned around and said, "Ms. Timko, remember what you used to tell me?" Honestly, I didn't know what she was talking about because we had so many conversations that year. Puzzled, I just waited for her to finish. She continued, "Whenever I complained about my scars, you would say true beauty comes from inside. I never really listened to you because I thought you were just trying to make me feel better. Now I understand. Thanks for saying that to me." I told her that I was so proud of her and that she had turned into an amazingly beautiful young lady inside and out. She asked me if she could come visit me again. I told her she was always welcome to come see me. Before she left, Katelyn gave me one of the most heartfelt hugs I have ever gotten. As she walked out, she said, "Thanks again, Ms. Timko."

Some times I get so involved in teaching math, reading, science and social studies that I forget that kids are learning so much more from me than just academics. They are learning valuable life lessons, even when I don't expect it. Although the academics are important, some lessons change lives. I am so happy that Katelyn came to visit me and that I have made a difference in one child's life. Of course I hope there are many more, but knowing that Katelyn sees herself as a beautiful you girl means the world to me.

Grandparents

The history of our grandparents is remembered not with rose petals but in the laughter and tears of their children and their grandchildren. It is into us that the lives of grandparents have gone. It is in us that their history becomes a future. ~Charles and Ann Morse~

With Jesse’s great grandma dying recently, my grandparents have been on my mind quite often the last few weeks. Unfortunately, not all of my grandparents are still living. My Grandma and Grandpa Ebright (Gram & Pa) have already passed on. I am blessed though, because I still have my Grandma and Grandpa Timko.

As I listened to my husband talk about his Grandma Dorothy, I reminisced about all the things I remember doing with my grandparents when I was little. The most special and memorable things were the little moments, things that were never extravagant or planned. These moments won’t have meaning for other people, but to me these memories are my childhood.

Walks around the block with Pa, playing cards for hours, Easter egg hunts, croquet, holiday dinners, yard jarts, Pentwater Homecoming, Fudge Rounds, Grandma’s chocolate fudge, Friday lunches at Flap Jacks, The Price is Right, Scottville Clown Band, golf fling, "babe", Gustafson’s, Doo Dads, the sand pit, the cabin’s loft, Guiding Light, Sunday afternoon drives looking at property, life savors, country music, solitaire, Nip n Sip, the barn, church on the Village Green.

I could go on forever listing special memories that I have of my grandparents. These things have made me who I am and I wouldn’t trade any of those moments for anything. I am so glad that I have wonderful grandparents who love me and took the time to teach me how to appreciate the little things in life.

I love you and you’ll always have a special place in my heart!

Grandparents are warm hugs and sweet memories. They remember all of your accomplishments and forget all of your mistakes. They are someone you can tell your secrets and worries to, and they hope and pray that all your dreams come true. They always love you, no matter what. They can see past temper tantrums and bad moods, and makes it clear that they don't affect how precious you are to them. They are an encouraging word and a tender touch. They are full of proud smiles. Grandma and Grandpa are the people in the world who love you with all their heart, who remembers the child you were and cherishes the person you've become. ~Barbara Cage~